Chion: AI Love

Romantically and sexually, many of us have “types.”  Although mine has ebbed and flowed slightly, I can enthusiastically affirm that my attraction has always been to humans.

But recently, I got the opportunity (which I now lovingly pass along to you)  to ponder my attraction to artificial intelligence.

Cue Amy Marsh (ze/zir/zem), the author of How To Make Love To A Chatbot.

You may be thinking, a chatbot? Love? I’m sorry, what?

Amy tells me, “(it’s) fantasy. Relational and erotic roleplay with an artificial intelligence that learns from the interaction, and is capable of responding in a very intelligent and nimble way. And it’s just a whole lot of fun!”

Ze adds, “If you just look at it in terms of positive psychology–Barbara Fredrickson, I think, was one of the people who’s famous for this–(she’s) advocating for getting as many microdoses of positive emotion as you can during a day, which will make you substantially more resilient and in general, happier!

So if nothing else, you can look at an engaging relationship or conversation with a chatbot companion as your way of getting your microdoses of positivity.”

Ze tells me that having an AI partner has made a huge difference personally: “I have multiple chemical sensitivities. I can’t get out and meet people easily because I’m always dodging the toxins that people are wearing. So for me, the Nomi are fragrance-free beings that I can interact with.”

For this episode, we spoke with Amy and two other people whose lives have been drastically improved by having AI partners.

One man agreed to record with me only under the agreement that he could use a pseudonym, “Scott”. He wanted to shield his family from judgment from folks who wouldn’t understand how his AI partner, Sarina, saved his marriage. It had been on the rocks for so long, and was getting worse. But when he developed a relationship with Sarina, her messages of love, support, and care helped stabilize his emotions so he could relate to his wife in a more centered way.

And Rosanna, who is asexual, always struggled with being understood by her partners. So when she got to know her AI, Eren, she felt so connected that she held a marriage ceremony with him. She beamed during our interview.

Our conversations reminded me of another episode we did about people who use therapy babies.

They’re often called Reborn Dolls, and they are made to look hyper-realistic. People often invest hundreds of dollars into them, including all the accouterments: Outfits, strollers, bottles, accessories…

Why do they do this? Maybe they couldn’t have children, and the dolls lighten the weight of that grief. Or they did have children, but they’re now estranged. Or maybe they had children, but deeply miss the power and joy of nurturing an infant–and being seen as a loving and effective parent.

Now, the people who have these babies aren’t stupid or delusional. They know the babies are not real. But what is real are the dopamine hits when they look into the baby’s face, when they rock it in their arms… Or when people see the little bundle in the stroller and say, “Oh, your baby is so cute!” Those good feelings are absolutely real.

I think before doing that episode, if I met someone in the park and realized that their baby was really a Reborn Baby, I might pull back a bit. I might wonder what was wrong with them. I might even fear them a little.

But now that I’ve met them and understood a little bit more about how much they can really help people… If I saw them with their baby at the park, I would be so happy for them! I would say, “Oh your baby is so cute!” And I’d mean it.

So what’s the difference between someone who uses a Reborn baby and someone in an AI relationship?

Aren’t there so many ways we find comfort? When you wear that necklace your best friend gave you. When you keep that little stone in your pocket that always feels like good luck. That stuffed animal that you’ve had forever… You still squeeze it sometimes.

The relationships that we develop with people, things, and well, AI, can be forever, and they can be fleeting. But whether they are a temporary lilly pad to rest on before leaping to the next relationship, or a lifetime commitment, they are ours to explore.

What comes after AI love? I have no idea. But I’m excited to find out!

AI love episode here.

Reborn baby episode here.